can't reach the remote

It’s right there on the coffee table, but an inch too far away.  If I could just get it with a fingertip, I could turn on the fireplace and warm this room up . . .

But I can’t.  

I squat and reach, but I can’t bend forward because I hurt my back shoveling snow four days ago. I was lifting and twisting and throwing at the same time and that particular combination of motions is Kryptonite for us middle-aged men. I knew it the instant it happened, “this is going to be bad”.  

My spine is fine, but that group of muscles in my lower core - the muscles that hold me up - are really unhappy with what I asked them to do, and they’ve made me pay a heavy price for that snow toss.  

I walk like Frankenstein, I get into the car like an old lady, standing up and sitting down takes a few minutes, and I can’t reach anything that isn’t right in front of me.  My condition has bottomed-out and I’m improving again, but at its worst, I had trouble picking up my coffee cup, and even the top row of keys on my computer keyboard was a painful stretch. A sneeze caused such spasms that I actually hoped to pass out.  I dropped a cookie under my desk two days ago and it is still there - I can’t bend over far enough to pick it up.

When you screw up your back, it’s a whole-body thing.  You have to carefully think-through every single movement: how am I going to get my legs into my pants?  How am I going to tie my shoes? How will I get the roast out of the oven? Some things that I wanted to do at home and at work will just have to wait until I’m stronger.

I tried to be a tough guy and not treat the pain - for the first day, but since then I’ve been self-medicating.  Ibuprophen and Glenlivet are a mighty combination for pain relief, and they get my liver involved in the recovery process. (as it should be - we’re all in this together)   

For the next few days, as recovery continues, I’ll be concentrating on keeping my body aligned and my center of gravity right in the middle, and that means no slouching on the couch, no riding my bike, no bowling this Saturday, and no reaching for the fireplace remote.  So I’ll just sit here in the upright chair from the den - the one that forces me into good posture - and wait for MSL to get out of bed and come downstairs and turn on the fireplace for me.